Coping With Problems Through Jokes and Sarcasm
by Saxophones For Eccentricities
Summary: Uchiha Rei and her attempt at navigating the insanity that has become her life. OC, AU. Not meant to be taken too seriously. Read at own risk.


**Hi there y'all. This story was made for giggles. Please don't take it too seriously as it is total trash that for some reason I find therapeutic. Anyway, if you end up liking this story, cool. If you don't, also cool.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Warning: Bad jokes ahead and potty mouth language ahead.

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Hi there everyone. My name is Rei and this is a story all about how my life got flipped- turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there; I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Be- wait, that's not right. Anyway, all 90s sitcom references aside, my name really is Rei and this really is a story about how my life got turned upside down and all the crazy stuff that I've gotten myself into it because of it. Confused? I was too when this all started. Fasten your seatbelts girls and boys I'm about to tell you my story and it's a bit of a bumpy ride.

Like I mentioned before, my name is Rei. It hadn't always been though. I used to be called Ami. I was content as Ami. I had just graduated from University and was looking to get a job as a teacher. I had been a good girl. Never got totally wasted on alcohol, never did drugs, never stole anything, nothing. So what _the fuck_ did I _ever_ do to end up being reincarnated as the fucking twin sister of Uchiha Itachi. I had been a good kid in my previous life. Why would whatever higher power or whatever curse me to be one of the damn Uchiha in the freaking magical ninjutsu using world of _Naruto_?!

Yeah, you heard me right. I am now the _twin sister_ of Uchiha Itachi. Could that be any more clichéd? I seem to have found myself living in some sort of damn fanfiction. At least I wasn't Sasuke or Naruto's twin. Fuck having to put up with all that bullshit they go through. At least I'd be dead by thirteen and I'd move on to whatever world or dimension was next. Hopefully it was something nicer where I could not have to become a freaking soldier because my family would expect me to. Maybe some world like Middle-earth. It would be nice to be a Hobbit and just eat all day, but I digress.

When I first found out where I now was and who I now was you get I had a total freakout. After a few hours of sobbing and having just a bit of a mental breakdown, I pulled what was left of my sanity together and tried to rationalize the situation and tell myself that I was going to be okay. That somehow, I would handle the situation and get by. I had faced death once already and knew that any pain that came with it was only temporary, so I'd be okay no matter what happened. It might sound weird, but hey, that's how my mind decided to cope. Even the teensy bit of my brain that was optimistic told me that learning ninja stuff would be pretty cool. Once I had calmed myself down enough, I agreed with this thought. Ninjutsu and the other ninja stuff was as close to being able to use magic as I'd probably ever get, so this could be _kind of_ interesting.

As it turns out, the following years were interesting, but even more than that, they were exhausting. I didn't know when it was appropriate for babies to do certain things, like starting to walk or talk, so I followed Itachi's lead on this. Unfortunately, the little detail of Itachi having been a prodigy had totally slipped my mind. (I was still trying to convince myself that I _wasn't_ crazy from time to time) And so, Fugaku and some of the clan elders believed us both to be genius children.

I planned on dumbing myself down to what I suppose would be normal for a child my age, but one: my new parents seemed to be so proud of the two of us and I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. A trait that seemed to have passed over with me from my previous life. Two: because every time I purposely messed something up in training Itachi would always look at me funny. Like he knew I had messed up on purpose, and honestly he probably _did_ know I messed up on purpose. He never said anything about it to me, but I knew he knew.

I tried my best to keep up with Itachi. It was simple enough in our early years thanks to the part of my mind that still held the knowledge of my previous lifetime. Then came the actual ninja stuff. When it came time to learn our clan's signature fireball-jutsu, Itachi was able to get it right on the first try whereas it took me a whole three hours to make a decent sized fireball. Itachi tried to console me by saying that three hours was a lot faster than most Uchiha learned the jutsu, but I just pouted and said that it may be better than most but it wasn't as good as _him_. I told him that I wanted to be just as good as he was. Itachi smiled and said that I was as good as he was since we both knew how to do the same things.

From then on Itachi was always the better of the two of us with me trailing slightly behind. It would take me anywhere from an extra hour to a few days for me to be able to perform whatever technique we were learning. The clan still acknowledged us both as prodigy children, but it was clear that Itachi was the true genius between the two of us. And he really was. I was kinda cheating by using what I could remember of a previous life. Itachi's ability was all him.

When we were four years old the Third Shinobi War was in full swing. After seeing all the pain and death that occurred because of the war, Itachi confided in me that he wished that people could just live in peace. I couldn't help but feel the same.

When we were five Shisui came into our lives. I didn't really like him at first. He would always hog Itachi to himself, leaving me alone. It was like I was being replaced, like now that Itachi had Shisui, he didn't need me anymore. I ended up spending more time with mama when this happened. She taught me some traditional feminine things like flower arrangement, sewing, and even how to prepare certain foods. I internally freaked out the first time she handed little five year old me a sharp kitchen knife. I know it shouldn't have really surprised me because _ninjas_ but still. While I enjoyed this time with my mom, I still missed Itachi. He was my twin, my other half and I didn't like not spending a lot of time with him.

One day Itachi finally asked what was bothering me, and I told him what had been on my mind. I told him that I felt like he didn't need me anymore since he had Shisui now. Itachi said he was sorry for making it seem like he didn't need me anymore, but that I was silly for thinking that. He told me I was his twin sister and that nobody could take my place, not even Shisui.

After that, I started to hang out with Itachi and Shisui and found out he wasn't so bad after all. He happily incorporated me into their routine and even asked why I had never come to hang out with them before. I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks and I was sure I was visibly red. I didn't want to tell him that I thought he was taking my brother away from me, so I said that I had wanted to spend some time with my mom before our little sibling was born, which he now was by the way.

It was the same year Shisui had come into our lives when Sasuke was born, and heaven help me if anything ever happened to him while I could prevent it. As soon as mama had introduced him to Itachi and I, I knew I would do anything I could in order to keep him safe. It was then when I had an inkling of understanding of why Itachi would have killed our entire clan and be forced into exile to keep Sasuke safe.

The nine-tails attacked the village a few months after Sasuke was born. Itachi, Sasuke and I were being evacuated to a safe place when I saw Sasuke's favorite toy fly out of Itachi's pocket. I quickly stopped and went against the fast moving flow of traffic to pick up the stuffed toy. I dusted it off and heard a terrifying scream. _Screams_ is really what it was. I turned on instinct to the direction of the source of the noise only to see a nearby building collapse and fall on the helpless civilians. I couldn't help but stare in horror. All those people...they had just been alive a few minutes ago, and now...now they were all dead. Gone. Lives ended in the blink of an eye. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. All I could do is just stand there and stare at the scene, taking in every detail of the scene which was sure to haunt me for years to come.

All of a sudden I felt someone pull on my right shoulder and turn me around. I was met with the eyes of Uchiha Sakana, one of the Uchiha clan elders.

"Child, what are you doing ou-your eyes!" she gasped. Her voice shook me out of my trance. Shit. Sasuke, Itachi, where were they?!

"My brothers! Where are Sasuke and Itachi?" I asked the old lady frantically. I had to make sure they were okay. What if something bad had happened to them? Wh-what if what happened to those people-

"Calm yourself child! Your brothers are likely on their way to the evacuation site if they are not there already, as you should be too. As Fugaku-sama's children, your safety is top priority. Especially now that you have unlocked your Sharingan."

Sharingan? What in the world was she talking about? I didn't have the Sharingan. Did I?

As it turns out, the old lady was right on both accounts. Itachi and Sasuke were indeed in the safe zone at the evacuation site, and I _had_ activated my Sharingan. Apparently, my reaction to seeing all those people die a number of feet away right before my very eyes had triggered it. Father was proud of me for activating my Sharingan at such a young age. I don't see what warranted it. Shouldn't he be concerned that I had witnessed enough trauma at five years of age for this to happen? Did he care about my mental state at all? Mama's reaction was a little more like what I had hoped. She smiled at me but I could see in her eyes that she wished I hadn't had to experience such pain and death at such a young age. No one should ever have to go through that, no matter what their age. Too bad it was a common experience for people in this world.

After that incident, I stuck to Itachi and Sasuke like glue. I don't really have a lot to say about our Academy years, or _year_ in Itachi's case. I decided to take an extra couple of years to get to know some of the other ninja hopefuls and when I got to know some of them I would take the test to graduate, that was my excuse to my parents anyway. I wanted to give myself time to grow. A seven year old ninja just sounds ridiculous to me. I wouldn't be able to advance on to Chunin for another few years even if I graduated with Itachi anyway, so I saw no harm in delaying Academy graduation a while.

Mama took it well and father did too eventually. He said that it would be good for Itachi and I to get used to spending time away from each other. So, at the end of the academic year, Itachi graduated from the Academy and I stayed behind to make some connections with the other potential shinobi in the Academy.

There were several other Uchiha children in the Academy in my class (which was full of kids a few years older than me), but none of them really talked to me. In fact, they were rather mean. After Itachi had graduated last year, one Fumiko Uchiha decided to pick on me with her lackeys Akane, Haruka, and Ami. All three of them were Uchiha as well and I was disgusted that a girl who's name I used to share would be the crony of someone like Fumiko.

If I had to liken Fumiko to anyone from my knowledge of this life and my last, it would be Myrtle from severely underrated Disney movie, Lilo and Stitch. Like Myrtle, Fumiko was a girl that was all bark and no bite. She liked to talk a big game, but when it came down to a physical fight she couldn't take it. I learned this when she -for some reason- thought it was a good idea to try and bully me. She thought that the clan made such a big deal about me for no reason since I didn't even graduate early like Itachi had. She thought Itachi was always helping me and without him I was nothing. That didn't sit right with me. Yeah, Itachi did help me when I asked him, but that didn't mean I was riding on his coattails. I worked hard to get to the level I'm at and there was no way I was going to let some prissy little girl tell me I was nothing. I challenged her to a spar and I could see her begin to pale.

Hn, didn't think I'd fight back, did ya? I thought to myself. She reluctantly accepted my challenge. She was a good several inches taller than me, but just because I was small didn't mean I couldn't take her down. The match was quickly over with me knocking her into the ground with her struggling and failing to get up. I looked down at her with my Sharingan blazing. "You are unworthy of carrying the Uchiha name." I said icily. My reaction may have been a bit over the top bit, but what can I say? I have a flair for the dramatic.

"Wow Rei-chan, I never knew you could be so scary," a male voice laughed. I deactivated my Sharingan and turned away from Fumiko to see Shisui and Itachi standing there.

"I-Itachi-kun! Shisui-kun!" the three other Uchiha girls gasped.

I raised an eyebrow at my brother and Shisui. "What are you two doing here? Itachi-nii? Sushi-kun?" I asked using the nickname I had for Shisui.

"Mother and father require us at home," Itachi stated quietly.

"Ahh, well let's get going. It's almost dinner time after all. Are you joining us for dinner today Shisui?" I asked as I walked to the two boys. We continued the conversation as we walked back to the Uchiha compound, the annoying gaggle of girls long forgotten.

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I know this is nowhere near the best, but for some reason writing this soothes my soul so expect to see more of this up at some point.


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